On a recent episode of ‘The Late Show with Stephen Colbert‘, host Stephen Colbert delved into the results of Super Tuesday and the impact it may have on the upcoming general election. Super Tuesday saw Joe Biden and Donald Trump emerge as the dominant forces, with Biden rolling to big margin victories across the country. Despite claiming they don’t want a rematch, it seems that a majority of voters are ordering takeout and deciding to give the tie a try again.
But the surprises didn’t end there. As it turns out, Tuesday was also a significant day in space. Two astronauts, Jasmine McBell and Laurel O’Hara, cast their votes from hundreds of miles above Earth. They even set up makeshift voting booths, although it took a volunteer 15 minutes to find their names on the registration. It just goes to show that even in space, democracy is alive and well.
While Biden dominated the Democratic primary, there were a few candidates who finished behind him. Dean Phillips, for instance, lost his home state of Minnesota to Biden in a landslide. Phillips took to Twitter to congratulate Biden, along with uncommitted candidates Marian Williamson and Nikki Haley, for demonstrating more appeal to Democratic Party loyalists than himself. It seems Phillips was quite disappointed, slamming his bedroom door and refusing to eat dinner unless it involved chicken fingers.
Speaking of lesser-known candidates, there was one who emerged victorious in American Samoa. Jason Palmer, previously little known and currently still little known, managed to secure 56% of the vote in the caucus, while Biden received 44%. Palmer, who apparently campaigns remotely and does Zoom Town Halls, was able to pull off this surprising win despite never even setting foot in American Samoa. He may be a mystery to most, but his victory shows that anything is possible in politics.
On the Republican side, Trump swept the primaries across the country, with a few exceptions. Nikki Haley managed to win Vermont, earning herself the privilege of having her own Ben and Jerry’s flavor. It may not be the White House, but it’s certainly a sweet consolation prize.
In a final act of cynicism and cowardice, Mitch McConnell endorsed Trump after stepping down from leadership. This endorsement came despite Trump previously launching racist attacks on McConnell’s wife and insulting him as a “dumb son of a crow”. McConnell’s gesture has left many scratching their heads, wondering why he would choose to align himself with someone who has shown him such disrespect.
As the race is now set for the general election, the country is already looking ahead to November. However, there are some concerning numbers to consider. A recent poll by The New York Times showed Trump leading Biden by 5% among registered voters. This leads to questions about the mental competence of the voters themselves. Perhaps it’s time for a cognitive test to be given to all voters to ensure they are making informed decisions.
It’s clear that Super Tuesday was an eventful day both on Earth and in space. Joe Biden solidified his position as the Democratic frontrunner, while Donald Trump continued his dominance on the Republican side. Surprises like Jason Palmer‘s victory in American Samoa and Nikki Haley‘s win in Vermont kept the primary race interesting. Now, all eyes are on the general election as the battle for the presidency heats up.
