Last night on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kumail Nanjiani delivered a brutally honest graduation speech that had everyone in stitches. Nanjiani, known for his witty humor, did not hold back as he addressed the graduating class of 2024 at Cornell University.
While past speakers at Cornell’s commencement ceremonies have included political heavyweights like Presidents Biden and Clinton, as well as literary icon Maya Angelou, Nanjiani brought his own unique flair to the stage. “I don’t know why they asked me,” he joked. “I did not go to Cornell. Maybe they needed a break from all the seriousness.”
Nanjiani kicked off his speech by acknowledging the privilege of speaking to the fresh-faced graduates. “I sugarcoated things,” he confessed, “because I didn’t think you could handle the harsh truths of the world. But tonight, I see you’re all a bunch of salty dogs, so let’s get real.”
The actor-comedian then proceeded to share his unedited graduation speech, filled with hilarious anecdotes and unconventional advice. He started with a playful jab at the idea of the graduates being the future. “Let’s be clear,” he quipped. “Those children your teachers always talked about? They’re in India and China. You’re off the hook.”
Nanjiani didn’t shy away from sharing personal stories either. In one memorable moment, he proudly revealed that he had stolen his first bicycle from a kid named Otis. “I still have it,” he admitted. “Sorry, Otis, but I was bigger than you.”
From there, Nanjiani dished out a series of tips for navigating life. One of his gems was to never give your real first name to a drug dealer. It seems he learned this lesson the hard way. “To this day, my guy thinks my name is Warren,” he revealed with a mischievous smile.
Acknowledging the unpredictability of life, Nanjiani emphasized the importance of making mistakes. Reflecting on a recent incident, he jokingly mentioned being caught up in the events at the Capitol on January 6th. “Classic wrong place, wrong time,” he shrugged, earning laughter from the audience.
Amidst the laughter, Nanjiani reminded the graduates to lean into their strengths and live life to the fullest. “If you’re really short, become a real estate agent,” he suggested. “Those houses will look way bigger.”
As the speech came to an end, Nanjiani left the graduates with a final piece of advice: “If at first you don’t succeed, you can always sell pictures of your feet to perverts.” With a playful smirk, he even offered to sell his own feet pictures in the parking lot after the show.
Kumail Nanjiani‘s graduation speech was a reminder that life is filled with unexpected twists and turns, and it’s okay to embrace the absurdity. His brutally honest and hilarious words resonated with the audience, leaving them in stitches and pondering the unconventional advice he shared.
Whether you’re a recent graduate or simply in need of a good laugh, Nanjiani’s unfiltered speech served as a refreshing break from the usual commencement rhetoric. The world needs more brutally honest speeches like this, reminding us all to take life a little less seriously.
