In the latest episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert wasted no time diving into the recent global market meltdown triggered by President Donald Trump. Colbert kicked off the show by jokingly asking if everyone was feeling liberated after the tumultuous day in the stock market.

Trading on Wall Street had taken a massive hit, with the Dow Jones nose-diving 1,700 points, marking the largest drop since 2020. Colbert couldn’t help but make a sarcastic remark, suggesting that maybe injecting money with bleach was an idea worth considering.

But amid the economic chaos, there was a glimmer of good news – solid proof that there is no deep state, as it apparently failed to prevent this market catastrophe. However, Colbert jokingly addressed the mysterious financial and governmental elites, urging them to momentarily pause their conspiracy theories and come to the rescue.

The impact of this economic meltdown was unleashed on various companies, particularly those that manufactured products in Asia. Adidas shares fell nearly 10%, Puma shares plummeted 11%, and tariffs wiped out a whopping $13 billion in Nike market value. Gap and H&M also experienced significant drops, spelling potential trouble for the bralette industry, as flirty tops might become scarcer without underwires.

The tariffs imposed by the Trump administration are expected to increase prices on various products, especially those not easily obtained domestically, like coffee and chocolate. Colbert humorously suggested that Americans might have to switch to their favorite coffee substitute – meth. And as for chocolate, he joked about the prospect of America’s new candy staple being M&M’s with oops-all-shells.

With these tariffs against Italy, the talk show host lamented the potential price increase for parmesan and vowed never to return to the green shaker of unrefrigerated dust known as American “parm.” He also expressed disinterest in eating eggplant alad dandruff, emphasizing the far-reaching consequences of these tariffs.

While the U.S. stock market plummeted, President Trump jetted off to Florida to watch golf. Colbert couldn’t help but mockingly propose a connection between Trump’s golfing pursuits and his misunderstanding of the stock market, stating that the goal is not to achieve the lowest score in stocks.

The international community did not take kindly to these tariffs, with European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen characterizing them as a major blow to the world economy. Belgian Deputy Prime Minister Maxim Prévot warned that playing with matches would inevitably lead to getting burned, and Australian Prime Minister Anthony Albanesi expressed his disappointment, stating that this was not the act of a friend.

The fallout from these tariffs extended beyond economic concerns to affect America’s closest allies. Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau announced that the old relationship between the U.S. and Canada was over. This provoked Colbert to humorously assert that efforts must be made to win Canada back.

As Colbert pointed out, the logic behind these tariffs seemed dubious at best. The Trump administration’s formula for implementing these measures appears to be an enigma, causing some internet users to speculate that it was concocted by an artificial intelligence program. However, the real impact of these tariffs falls on countries like the Antarctic Islands, inhabited only by penguins, demonstrating the apparent lack of rationale behind their implementation.

Notably absent from the list of countries affected by tariffs was Russia. Colbert humorously suggested that instead of tariffs, the U.S. would send them a “devastating” Harry and David fruit basket. Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick defended the tariffs, arguing that the current system isn’t fair, citing European Union restrictions on American chicken, lobster, and beef. Colbert couldn’t resist poking fun at Lutnick’s assertion that American beef was “beautiful and theirs is weak,” adding that “weak beef” was his stripper name.

In conclusion, Colbert’s Late Show segment delivered a witty and humorous critique of the global market meltdown caused by President Trump’s tariffs. With a sharp tongue and quick wit, Colbert highlighted the absurdity and potential ramifications of these economic measures. As always, he managed to find laughs in the midst of a serious topic, providing both entertainment and insight for his audience.

Sources: The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, YouTube.