In a recent episode of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, host Stephen Colbert reassured his audience not to panic amidst alarming news from Ohio representative Mike Turner. Turner, who is the Republican chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, released a statement warning of a serious national security threat without providing any additional details. While the news may seem vague, reports suggest that the threat is related to Russia.
Colbert humorously speculated about the nature of the threat, joking about bioweapons, cyber warfare, and even the possibility of Russia sending actor Steven Seagal back to the US. He highlighted the need for the White House to release the details to the public immediately and mentioned that a congressional briefing was planned for the next day, which had to be rescheduled because the White House was busy stocking up on canned goods.
However, other congressmen on the Intelligence Committee tried to calm the situation, with one congressman stating that there’s no need to panic and worry about martians landing or ruining Ash Wednesday. Colbert jokingly pointed out that Ash Wednesday and Valentine’s Day coincided this year, making it an extra special day. He mentioned how Catholics might be tempted to celebrate both, but emphasized that Ash Wednesday, being a day of fasting and reflection marking the start of Lent, should be prioritized.
Amidst the panic and special holiday circumstances, Colbert playfully highlighted some interesting Valentine’s Day facts. He mentioned that nearly half of the adult population is unmarried, which statistically means that there’s a 50% chance that married individuals’ spouses are not their valentines. He also noted the rise in self-gifting and the increasing attention polyamory is receiving.
The segment took a turn to politics when Colbert mentioned how Donald Trump celebrated Valentine’s Day by writing a peculiar message to his wife Melania and then sending a mass email blast with the subject line “I love you Melania unsubscribe.” He continued to discuss the special election results, where Democrat Tom Swazi won the house seat vacated by Republican George Santos. Swazi delivered a victory speech emphasizing the need for unity in the country.
Humorously, Colbert pointed out a slip-up in Swazi’s speech, causing some to question his age and suitability for the presidency. He also mentioned the diversity of the district Swazi represents and the broad range of supporters he thanked, including various ethnic communities, women, and men under 55.
The segment ended with a lighthearted announcement of upcoming guests Mark Walberg and Lily Gladstone, followed by Colbert jokingly teasing some first draft Valentine’s Day cards with his wife.
Overall, Colbert’s witty and entertaining take on the news and events of the day kept the audience engaged and laughing, reminding them not to panic about the national security threat or their Valentine’s Day plans. As always, The Late Show with Stephen Colbert provided an enjoyable and humorous look at current affairs.
